Tuesday March 4, 2014

Gerardo is back.

Gerardo is back.

This is why I no longer watch anything on VH1: "'Rico Suave' is making a return to pop culture, this time in the form of a new VH1 docu series.

"Gerardo Mejía, the Latin singer and rapper whose 1990s hit single “Rico Suave” rose to the top of the charts, switched gears to become a music exec and settled down to have a family with his beauty queen wife, Kathy — all of which serves as fodder for his new reality series, tentatively titled Suave Says.

"The series will follow Mejía as he passes the music torch to his children and manages a home life with his wife, son Jaden, niece Lexi and daughters Bianca and Nadia. The episodes will highlight the struggles of raising children who hope to follow in Mejía’s musical footsteps.

“'Gerardo and his crazy, musical family truly break the reality TV mold,' said Susan Levison, VH1’s exec VP of original programming and production. 'We knew we had our next buzz-worthy series as soon as he walked through our door. Plus, he still has those abs.'”

“'I can’t wait for VH1’s audience to meet my wild family,' Mejía added. 'We’re like Ricky and Lucy but with a handful of crazy kids trying to run my casa.'”  He should have called it quits after Can't Buy Me Love.

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Mazel tov to Bachelor "contestant" Renee Oteri, who is reportedly engaged.  It was pretty obvious that she wasn't making it out of the final 4 (quite honestly, I'm surprised she stuck around as long as she did), but she seemed to have bounced back quickly . . . and is better off.

Southern Charm premiered last night on Bravo and it was not a good look for the city of Charleston, SC.  The cast was seemingly the worst of the worst that the producers could convince to participate (and based on the personalities of most of these clowns, odds are it wasn't like pulling teeth).  There's maybe one likable person on the cast (Cameran Eubanks) with the rest maybe a notch better than the cast of #RichKids of Beverly Hills.

The depressing and inevitable end of How I Met Your Mother awaits.

A little heavy on the makeup?

A little heavy on the makeup?

Per TheWrap, "Food Network is taking a gamble on Bill Rancic.  Apprentice alum and Giuliana and Bill star Rancic has signed on for a new cooking series, Kitchen Casino, which will pit contestants against each other in culinary competitions with a gambling twist.

"On the show, which premieres April 7 at 9 p.m., contestants will be put trough three casino-style, culinary competitions based on slot machines, roulette and poker. In the first round, the competing chefs take a spin on the Kitchen Casino Slot Machine to reveal three categories — cuisine, ingredient and theme — which they must employ while making their dishes for the 30-minute round.

"Round 2 will find the remaining contestants working at kitchen stations that spin like a roulette wheel, leaving contestants working at a new station. Chefs will ultimately be judged on the dish that ends up in front ot them at the round’s conclusion.

"Finally, in the third Chef Poker round, the two remaining contestants will attempt to incorporate an ingredient in their dish depending on which card they are dealt.  Each episode will feature a panel of rotating judges including Michael Chernow, Madison Cowan, Danyelle Freedman, Gavin Kaysen, Aliya Leekong and Kristin Sollenne."

Fresh off his win as Best Actor at the Oscars Sunday night, Matthew McConaughey said he won't be back for a second season of HBO's True Detective. "Season one was finite," said the actor backstage.  Here's a theory on how season 1 will end (the season finale airs this Sunday).

Yet ANOTHER epic fail by the casting people at Dancing With The Stars.  The season 18 cast was released this morning and I'm hopeful we can all agree that this show should be taken out behind the barn and shot in the head ASAP.  Here are this season's losers:

Candace Bure (Full House), Charlie White (Olympic ice dancer), Drew Carey (REALLY??), Diana Nyad (swimmer), Cody Simpson (singer?), Meryl Davis (Olympic ice dancer), Danica McKellar (The Wonder Years), Nene Leakes (The Real Housewives of Atlanta), Amy Purdy (paraolympic snowboarder), James Maslow (Big Time Rush), Billy Dee Williams (actor), Sean Avery (former NHL player).  Yikes.

Deadline reports that "truTV is expanding into scripted programming with a green light to its first-ever sketch-comedy series: Friends Of The People, for a launch this summer. It stars comedians Kevin Barnett (Guy Code), Jennifer Bartels (In Living Colorreboot), Jermaine Fowler (Comedy Underground With Dave Attell), Lil Rel Howery (In Living Color reboot), The Lucas Bros. (22 Jump Street) and Josh Rabinowitz (I Just Want My Pants Back). The network has ordered 10 episodes, including the pilot, for Friends Of The People scripted sketches and man-on-the-street segments."

23 things that would make for a better Bachelor than Juan Pablo.

Check out this virtual look at Jerry Seinfeld's apartment:

Thanks to Reality Blurred, here's the spring reality show premiere schedule (MAN there's a lot of crap that networks are buying).  Of the 54 shows premiering in March and April (54!), I can see myself watching fewer than 10.

March

  • Hillbilly Blood [Destination America, March 1, Saturdays at 9]
  • Shear Madness [Nat Geo WILD, March 1, Saturdays at 10]
  • Deion’s Family Playbook [OWN, March 1, Saturdays at 10]
  • Going Wild [NatGeo Wild, March 3, Mondays at 8]
  • Southern Charm [Bravo, March 3, Mondays at 10]
  • The Little Couple [TLC, March 4, Tuesdays at 10]
  • Preachers’ Daughters [Lifetime, March 5, Wednesdays at 9]
  • Bring It! [Lifetime, March 5, Wednesdays at 10]
  • Flipping Out [Bravo, March 5, Wednesdays at 10] 
  • The Face [Oxygen, March 5, Wednesdays at 10]
  • Chicagoland [CNN, March 6, Thursdays at 10]
  • Beat Bobby Flay [Food Network, March 6, Thursdays at 10]
  • Ice Cold Gold [Animal Planet, March 6, Thursdays at 10]
  • Cesar 911 [Nat Geo WILD, March 7, Fridays at 9]
  • Sydney ER [Discovery Fit & Health, March 7, Fridays at 9]
  • Marriage Boot Camp [WEtv, March 7, Fridays at 9]
  • Timber Kings [Destination America, March 8, Saturdays at 10]
  • The Vanilla Ice Project [DIY Network, March 8, Saturdays at 10]
  • Cosmos: A Spacetime Odyssey [Fox, March 9, Sundays at 9; National Geographic Channel, March 10, Mondays at 10]
  • Death Row Stories [CNN, March 9, Sundays at 9]
  • Chopped Tournament of Stars [Food Network, March 9, Sundays at 9]
  • Catch A Contractor [Spike, March 9, Sundays at 10]
  • Online Dating Rituals of the American Male [Bravo, March 9, Sundays at 10]
  • Lindsay [OWN, March 9, Sundays at 10]
  • My Five Wives [TLC, March 9, Sundays at 10]
  • The People’s Couch [Bravo, March 10, Mondays at 11:30]
  • The Freshman Class: Santa Cruz [Cooking Channel, March 11, Tuesdays at 8]
  • The Real Housewives of New York City [Bravo, March 11, Tuesdays at 9] 
  • Chrisley Knows Best [USA, March 11, Tuesdays at 10]
  • Breaking Boston [A&E, March 13, Thursdays at 10]
  • Naked and Afraid [Discovery, March 16, Sundays at 9]
  • Total Divas [USA, March 16, Sundays at 10]
  • Dancing with the Stars [ABC, March 17, Mondays at 8]
  • Storage Wars [A&E, March 18, Tuesdays at 9]
  • Chasing Maria Menounos [Oxygen, March 18, Tuesdays at 10]
  • Save My Bakery [Food Network, March 19, Wednesdays at 8]
  • Money Talks [CNBC, March 19, Wednesdays at 10]
  • The Safecrackers [truTV, March 24, Mondays at 10]
  • Jim Henson’s Creature Shop Challenge [Syfy, March 25, Tuesdays at 10]
  • Wild Things with Dominic Monaghan [BBC America, March 25, Tuesdays at 10]
  • The Story of the Jews with Simon Schama [PBS, March 25 and April 1 at 8]
  • America’s Worst Tattoos [TLC, March 27, Thursdays at 10]
  • House of Food [MTV, March 31, Mondays at 10]

April

  • 19 Kids & Counting [TLC, April 1, Tuesdays at 9]
  • Million Dollar Listing New York [Bravo, April 2, Wednesdays at 9]
  • My Big Fat American Gypsy Wedding [TLC, April 3, Thursdays at 9]
  • Married to Medicine [Bravo, April 6, Sundays at 9]
  • River Monsters [Animal Planet, April 6, Sundays at 9]
  • Kitchen Casino [Food Network, April 7, Mondays at 9]
  • Love in the City [OWN, April 12, Saturdays at 10]
  • Years of Living Dangerously [Showtime, April 13, Sundays at 10]
  • The Writers’ Room [Sundance, April 14, Mondays at 10]
  • Saving Private K-9 [Sportsman Channel, April 24, Thursdays at 8:30]
  • Hollywood Exes [VH1, April 30, Wednesdays at 9]